She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
