So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
