WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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