i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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