do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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