I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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