So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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