My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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