once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
