My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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