the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
