Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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