used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
