My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
