I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
only if we run a train.
done.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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