There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
