You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
