I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I stole a fireplace last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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