every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?