we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.