it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
