God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.