I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.