So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.