I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.