Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am naked and annoyed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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