I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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