just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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