My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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