so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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