giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
