She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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