My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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