it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
time to smoke my breakfast
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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