I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
