North Korea, Best Korea!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How does one acquire holy water?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
