i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
