I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
