I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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