At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
