12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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