I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
