A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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