White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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