Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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