My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this will be a night to untag.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
