I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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