I'm really into asian looking animals
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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