he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
