I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
