She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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