Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
