Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
