Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
