some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
