you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
