on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
