Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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