so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
