so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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