Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
