Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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