Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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