It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
