seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am available for nakedness
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
