I showed him my bush... on skype.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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