She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
