Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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