just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
