im drinking this country out of the recession.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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