they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
