Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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