the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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