sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
