Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
