You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
