If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
