I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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